Kill the Boy Band by Goldy Moldvasky

25184383Title: Kill the Boy Band
Author: Goldy Moldvasky
Date Started: April 28
Date Finished: May 3
Format: Hardcover from local library

A group of four girls has one common link, they all like the boy band sensation The Ruperts. A boy band from the UK all have the first name Rupert and were founded on a reality talent show but auditioned individually – sound familiar? The band is having a huge Thanksgiving concert special, but none of the girls could tickets – they sold out in 5.4 seconds. So they do the next best thing. They book a room at the hotel that the band is staying at and hope that they’ll find out which room they’re staying in to have the best fan experience ever. But things don’t go according to plan.

*rubs temples* Okay, look, I can honestly say that I wasn’t expecting much from this book. I was kind of hoping for a funny satire on the boy band these days and how much the ‘crazy’ has gone crazy, but it wasn’t. It was mind numbingly bad and an example of how bad fandoms can get sometimes. The characters are stereotypical. You have Erin – the leader of the group, who has her own reasons for seeing the Ruperts that deal in the area or revenge. Then there’s Isabel – who’s hardcore scary and runs a gossip site about the band. Apple – is the ‘fat’ girl and is obsessed with the ‘ugly’ member of the band – I could have actually written a whole review on just her dialogue to be honest. Actually, if you go here you’ll see some of my favorite Apple lines. And then there’s the narrator – who’s name we actually never find out – who is kind of borderline crazy because of the death of her father, blah, blah. Although she is sort of crazy, she’s the sanest one out of the bunch and isn’t down at all for what the group does with Rupert P – the ugliest/talentless one in the band – after the kidnapping.

Final Rating: 1 out of 5 stars. Let me save you from reading all 312 pages. Rupert P is kidnapped by Apple who is in love with him, but loses that affection when she actually spends some time with him and he insults the hell out of him. Isabel is conniving. Erin is after revenge because she had sex with Rupert X and he took naked pics of her and showed them to the other guys. The girls hack into Rupert P’s phone and tweet that he’s quitting the band. He’s murdered. Girls hide the body in the boys’ room, who then throw the body off the roof and get arrested for P’s murder, when it was actually his pretend girlfriend (because P is actually gay) who did it. You’re welcome.

Bookshelf worthy? Become a One Direction fan. It’s less painful.


About arkornylo

College grad, writer who's always suffering from some form of writer's block, hockey enthusiast, book lover, music junkie and graphic designer.
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